he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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