the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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