Taylor Swift is so right about you.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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