I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
