i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
