Im at strip club and am horny
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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