dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
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