Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
