when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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