the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize