Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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