There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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