I love black thongs
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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