It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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