dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
