I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
