He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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