Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
