I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
