Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
