I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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