just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
