can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
