Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
