hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
