I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
