I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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