I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
