I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I look better un-naked...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
