We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My dick has a subreddit
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
