We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
