Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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