I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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