I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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