my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
