If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
