Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
