would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
