Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
FUCK WHALES
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
