I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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