I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
