i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
