i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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