You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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