Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize