There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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