between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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