Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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