you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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