I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
