CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
