Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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