i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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