Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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