i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
