bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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