i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
