Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
