I want to have your abortion
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
