You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
