FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize