I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It's blow job season.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
