1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
