he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
