Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
