She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
