JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
