i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
